One year ago today, was the first day out of the job I had as Professor of English Literature and Head of Department of English & Creative Writing at the University of Roehampton.
We were moving house in two weeks and I was surrounded by the chaos of boxes and two children on summer holidays. As I packed my books into boxes I received an email on my phone: my first acceptance for a short story I'd written a few months earlier, entitled 'Seagulls'. Such moments of encouragement in pursuing my long-frustrated dream of fiction writing have been welcome in helping me to navigate the sense of loss and disorientation - as well as joy - as I journeyed into life beyond academia.
There's a lot of advice out there about leaving academia, including groups like Academics Say Goodbye and The Professor is Out. A big question for many is whether or not to go for it, to quit. Personally, the option of voluntary redundancy provided an opportunity - but at huge cost. I hate how the divide between so-called "good" and post-92 universities has grown, and it angers me that our truly brilliant courses and research in some circles do not seem to count for much. Over my ten years at Roehampton I quickly came to see that my colleagues are as rigorous, as creative, as intelligent and dedicated as those at any other university.
Although it has been working out well for me, leaving my university is still an emotional, difficult journey. Nothing like as much as the journey into academia, however, which was an extremely difficult one for me (as for most), from gaining a PhD to a series of temporary contracts until I was eventually lucky enough to gain a permanent academic job. I found at job interview after job interview there would be internal and/or Oxbridge candidates, and almost always the job would go to them. I spent longer seeking the holy grail of the permanent academic job than I spent in my job--and it didn't turn out to feel so very permanent in the end after all. It seems strange to throw away something I worked so very hard and so very long for. I would not change my decision, but I would still urge considerable caution, because the relief and other pleasures will eventually wear thinner (although not necessarily wear out), and these jobs are incredibly difficult to gain. For most of us, there will be no going back.
One of the things that strikes me as sad, is that I gained that job at Roehampton largely because it was genuinely wide open to those of us without "good" university backgrounds and without any internal contacts. We talk about how places like Roehampton are good for non-traditional, working-class students - and they have also been far more likely than others to let in academics with more diverse backgrounds.
I am thankful for my decade at Roehampton, for my wonderful colleagues and students, for the opportunities, and indeed for the regular salary. It seems a miracle that it ever happened. I am also glad to have the opportunity to pursue other dreams.
(I was actually going to do a quick blog about my next book, but seeing that it is my leaving anniversary found it hard to resist a quick reflect. The book blog will have to wait!)